For anybody who is in Brad’s situation, or similar, will resonate with ‘burying your head in the sand’ life.
It can only last for so long before the bubble bursts and the reality hits that drinking doesn’t fix anything – it can make it worse.
The old fashioned, tick the box father approach that Brad admits to; such as being a good provider, working hard and being a man of not many words, is by no means the role model he now wishes to adhere to.
And there is a really good reason why. We need to teach our children that communication doesn’t come after a few beers or a bottle of wine. We need to physically demonstrate to our children that we don’t give more kisses and cuddles just because ‘my mum or dad’ has wine on their breath. We need to honour that drinking alcohol, as a way to being more open and warm, is not the pre-cursor to becoming a better and more loving parent.
The irony of this type of ‘distant parenting’ is that it leads to more guilt about not being able to be a great sober communicator. The cycle of heavy drinking/guilt gets stronger and becomes a bigger problem than it actually needs to be.
Sad but true, many men and women are drinking more alcohol than is healthy, not because they want to but because it makes them feel emotionally more safe.
It’s been proven by many neuroscientists that alcohol shuts down the critical and judgmental part of the brain. In other words, alcohol is a really good quick fix to shut out negative thoughts and feelings about the fears of life.
Brad, like many people who get themselves into a drinking rut, are not necessarily alcoholics but emotional drinkers. Their brain has wired itself to alcohol as a habit of how to deal with fearful emotions, thoughts and feelings.
In order for someone to have a healthier relationship with alcohol they need to train their brain to have a healthier, sober relationship with themselves first.
That is why my seminars and on-line program sell all over the world.
I believe it is ‘your thinking, not your drinking that is the problem.’
You’ve got to train the brain to have healthier coping strategies without a glass of wine/beer or whatever in hand. The domino effect is better coping strategies, less anxiety and improved sober self esteem.