When Katie was in her mid 50’s she came to the conclusion that having a committed and loving relationship just wasn’t ever going to happen.
Sadly, Katie is by no means alone in this belief. There are women all over Australia who have been looking for a life partner and feel very let down by the society we now live in.
Things have changed a lot in the last 25 years. Many blame the Internet. Some blame women having careers and some blame independence and women wanting it all. The jury is out as far as I am concerned.
It’s tricky to understand why there has been a surge in single women but I do know one thing that inhibits anyone finding love; it’s their thinking.
Katie’s first love broke her heart at 18 when he dumped her for one of her University friends. It took her a while to get over this trauma and then when she hit 29 she panicked and thought she had to get married because everyone else was settling down too.
Katie met Adrian and they decided it was a good idea to get married, which they did pretty quickly and it wasn’t long after they had twin girls. The marriage wasn’t great and Adrian was a highly critical man, which made Katie feel that she was never good enough. He used to compare her to other woman all the time and put her down a lot. However, like many unhappy couples they decided to stay together for the sake of their daughters.
Then one day Adrian came home and told Katie he didn’t love her and never had loved her and that he had found true love with someone else and wanted to separate.
Although, at first, Katie was shocked at this, she deep down knew he was right, that they shouldn’t be together, so the good news was it was an amicable break up. However, what plagued Katie was anger! She was angry that she married someone she didn’t truly love for the sake of keeping in with society and ‘what she thought was expected of her.’ Although she loved her daughters, she felt she had missed out on finding her ‘true love’ and that it was too late for her.
A friend suggested Katie start internet dating, and with a bit of hesitation but a deep sense of hope, she took her friends advice to go into this mine field of the mid-life dating scene. Sadly, this caused her more anguish because there was a general theme with the men she chose to have a date with – they may have looked different but underpinning was a slight critical eye of what she wore, what she ate and how she spoke, which rang alarm bells.
Katie asked herself “Why do I keep attracting the same type of guy who makes me feel bad about myself and not good enough for them?’
This is a common issue with many women looking for love.
What Katie didn’t realise is that her mind, like everyone else’s, works on memory and how love and vulnerability has been dealt within her past. This is key to why a healthy relationship seems elusive to so many women. Their mind has created an unhelpful, protective mechanism.
What is familiar in love can become a habit
The mind is lazy and likes things to be familiar, even when it is to the detriment of someone’s emotional wellbeing.
Unbeknown to Katie, through her past negative love experiences, her mind started looking for a relationship that was similar to the ones she had. Not because she wanted to be hurt and rejected again but because it was all her mind knew and it was deemed ‘normal’. These were the only references she had which her mind used to guide her on her mission to find a loving committed relationship.
This affected her self esteem and her sense of finding love started to become more and more anxiety based, rather than trusting.
Katie’s mind had literally trained her to avoid any potentially healthy love partners because the brain scanned her relationship history and said ‘don’t go there, you don’t have any evidence a loving relationship will work. Go for the type of man you know rather than don’t.’
This is the irony of the unconscious mind which is where all emotional habits are stored. It works on history and emotional habit, whether helpful or not.
In order for Katie to learn a healthy love mind set, she needed to let this part of her mind understand that having a healthy and happy relationship is nothing to do with her past. She needed to build new references of feeling safe, loved and desired without criticism.
How to become familiar with a healthy loving relationship
One of the easiest ways to do this is use the clever part of the mind through hypnosis. To literally re-train the brain to become comfortable and familiar with healthy, loving men who have integrity now and in the future, irrespective of someone’s unhelpful love history.
The neuro-scientists have confirmed that irrespective of what people believe the brain is pliable and adaptable to emotional change irrespective of someone’s past. In other words, you can teach an old dog new tricks!
The neuro-scientists have also confirmed that hypnosis is the fastest and most effective method of creating emotional change.
Like Katie, creating new patterns of thought about love and finding the right partner who is intuitively good for you is possible and absolutely accessible.
Cracking The Love Code is a powerful on-line programme that trains the brain to create healthy love thoughts and feelings that support the conscious desire to find a relationship.
Georgia Foster specialises in helping women change their thinking about love and relationships. Her highly successful program called Cracking The Love Code is here for you to purchase. She also has a sample day for you to try first.